Cowboy Bob Sorensen

by Cowboy Bob Sorensen  This is another article about my growth process as a widower, written in hopes that it will help others. It is not as direct about the grief process as others. Note that at the onset, I learned that everyone grieves in different ways, and that it is okay to do so in the first place. Similarly, we all have to grow and develop. Memories of and tributes to those we lost are good but we cannot stay in the past. Softball diamond from home plate, Unsplash / Cowboy Bob Sorensen People need to learn the value of remaining silent at appropriate times. (See " Peace, be Still! ") Strategic silence. The importance of this may dawn in people's minds in their forties, but even more so in their sixties. Blessed are those who learn it sooner. Consider when we establish our boundaries. When pushed on something, a simple, "That will not work for me," should be sufficient. Unfortunately, we tend to provide a litany of reasons why not. Those are actually inv...

by Cowboy Bob Sorensen Although this fits with my frequent dealing with bereavement theme, it also deals with psychological and even spiritual freedoms. Keep reading. You will thank me later. Some people equate clutter with filth, which is not necessarily the case. (Clutter with organic material that should have been thrown away, yes, that is filth and attracts crunchy bugs.) Some folks want their homes like museums where nothing is out of place. Many others accept a few things that are not put away. Then there is the out-of-sight clutter. Clutter, Pexels / Bingqian Li (enhanced) Aside from things we set down and walk away from, why do we have clutter? Carelessness for one. Also, being distracted; the phone rings while carrying something through the front door. Those are the immediate things and they can be put where they belong later. But there are sheds, basements, hobby rooms, and other places that are full of things that aren't exactly useful. It gets difficult to declutter. O...

by Cowboy Bob Sorensen  Before I get into the more thoughtful ponderings, here is something a mite humorous. I "inherited" from Charlene a George Foreman "Beyond" 7-in-1 grill. I do not think she used most of the functions aside from the air fryer. Me, neither, at first. It took 2-1/2 years for me to realize something. A supermarket sells fish portions in containers that can go in the oven. The grill has a bake function and has, plenty of room for the container. So, I baked it. Pizza in George Foreman Beyond, 7-in-1 Grill The next day, I tried a single-serving pizza (in which I lived up to the "abuser of food" part of my X profile ) and added some canned sauerkraut halfway through baking. Both items turned out fine. This means I don't have to turn on the big oven in warm weather for small stuff. In fact, I can put an oven-safe plate in there to heat things. I'm going to experiment. Mayhaps I'll try the "roast" setting... A spell back,...

by Cowboy Bob Sorensen  As I wrote before , it has been two years since my wife suddenly died. My life-ending ideations are done. Someone mentioned I may have another twenty years to live (I turned sixty-six today), I dreaded it. Now I am going to stay on the trail. Something else to repeat is that Charlene would want me not only to continue to exist, but actually live . I still do some things in her honor. There are other aspects of my life that are changing but she is on my mind in new interests. On red trail at Shaupeneak Ridge, Unsplash / Cowboy Bob Sorensen There is an old Moody Blues tune called "My Song." Mike Pinder wrote it and it was, frankly (mind if I call you Frank?) silly. He wanted space aliens to come to Earth, helping us get straightened out. Well, the Creator did  come to Earth, and Jesus showed us the way... All this to say that one part of that song keeps coming back to me: "The change in these past years has made me see our world in many different wa...

by Cowboy Bob Sorensen  Today, Charlene has been gone for two years, but I think about her every day. Several times a day. Previous I mentioned that setting aside a day for memories does not work well because she is so frequently on my mind. But I can ponder my personal changes. Although I am alone with few friends and no family nearby, I hope that my thoughts and insights may be helpful to others. One again I want to emphasize that grief experiences are unique for each person. Indeed, each loss has a different response. Near center of walkway across Kingston-Rhinecliff Bridge, Unsplash / Cowboy Bob Sorensen Due to grief and other circumstances (still recovering from open-heart surgery), for a while I considered the Kingston-Rhinecliff Bridge as a jumping-off point. Those ideations are gone, and I recently walked on the bridge. Great day for pictures! The anniversary of her father's passing is September 19, the day before her own. Also, I had a recent cardiologist visit and i...

by Cowboy Bob Sorensen  On September 20, 2023, my beloved Charlene went to be with the Lord. This was a few weeks after my open-heart surgery and the restrictions that came with it. The grief fog , legal matters, lingering effects from general anesthesia, and other things were an overwhelming combination for me. At one point, I was considering doing a swan dive off the Kingston-Rhinecliff Bridge . I sought out a church when I did not know if she was going to live or die, and the pastor essentially talked me down from the bridge. Kingston-Rhinecliff Bridge from Poet's Walk, Red Hook, NY, Unsplash / Cowboy Bob Sorensen Because of financial problems (I was unable to return to work, for one thing), I had the ideations again. Those have been settled, as I'll demonstrate. First, dental problems. With apprehension and reluctance, I had to go to Westchester Medical Center to have my jaw examined. The route involved crossing that very bridge. I was confident that I could do so without e...

by Cowboy Bob Sorensen  Bereavement is confusing in many ways, including how it has common elements among people but many aspects are also unique. When I lost my beloved Charlene ten months ago, I also lost my best friend of twenty-four years. We lived alone, and I am still alone. Charlene and I had no children, and her daughter from her first marriage died several years ago. My children have no use for me. Other people have lost spouses, children, parents, friends, and others. Their pain will vary. In many cases, surviving family members can share burdens and give each other emotional support. Churches can also be helpful. Still, that loss can be felt more keenly at certain times. Lonely Cowboy Bob looking out the window, image modified with dream effect and more There are times I want to tell her about things at the workplace that would interest or amuse her. I would have liked her opinion on the graphic I was making for this article, and she would have been amused at the setup a...

by Cowboy Bob Sorensen  Some people may picture those of us who mourn as constantly sad, breaking out in unexpected crying jags, but will "get over it" in a few days. Not hardly! People who have joined this exclusive terrible club know that we are forever changed, but sadness and tears become less frequent and are not so easily triggered. Each experience is unique. We may grieve one way for someone, but a completely different way for another. When the grief fog hit me, it had characteristics similar to shock. I was just existing. The idea of having a good day was unthinkable — but it happened. Charlene near shadow of Little Sauble Lighthouse on Lake Michigan, 2005 I am writing this on the nine-month anniversary of her journey to Jesus. While I think of her many times each day and even have some special memories, I am not always saddened by them. On the other hand, there are things I have done where I felt good (such as walking a trail in the woods), they were tempered by my ...

That is a title I never thought I would use, and I came up with it during a discussion with a therapist. While the grief fog and confusion are not as oppressive seven months after I lost my beloved Charlene, there are still things that bring on the tears. Triggered  often means people who have little self-control and try to manipulate others to change their words and ways. The word is still useful, though. In fact, that therapist has used it about the process in coming to terms with, and integrating, grief in our lives. I was triggered by a barge on the Hudson River. Barge on the Hudson River near Malden, NY, Unsplash / Cowboy Bob Sorensen My mother passed away several years ago, and a friend gave me words of wisdom. He told me sorrow can come out of the blue; things will remind me of my mother unexpectedly. That was true. Years have passed, and I can be reminded of my mother, father, oldest brother, and others without crying. Something inaccurately cited by many is the "stages of...

by Cowboy Bob Sorensen  The human mind is sensitive to dates, anniversaries, and so on. I believe that is one of the reasons that events in the Year of Firsts (first Christmas, her birthday, my birthday, our wedding anniversary, etc.) hits us so hard. I have been having "good" days with less tears, but today is the six month anniversary of Charlene's passing. I stop to sob a bit while writing these sentences the day before. When I think back to meeting with the funeral director, he echoed something that others have told me: Don't forget to eat. A hamburger-macaroni casserole thing I made; kitchen is small and it's hard to get shadow-free pictures The church I had just started attending plugged me into a food ministry where people brought meals to my apartment; they know the bereaved may not eat. Also, a couple of Charlene's relatives bring me food on occasion. Indeed, one reader told me that when his wife died, he did forget to eat and drink. He ended up bein...

by Cowboy Bob Sorensen After the loss of my beloved Charlene, several people suggested that I read A Grief Observed  by C.S. Lewis. It is a short book, but being mostly alone and dealing with my recovery from open-heart surgery, legal matters involving her estate, the tyranny of the physiological and mental problems of grief fog — reading was a challenge. However, after I purchased it, I converted it into an audio book with a text-to-speech service. Voices in TtS can be quite good. Lewis was British, so I chose a voice with an appropriate accent. It took an hour to hear, and I listened to it again this morning. A 1998 Polaroid photo of Charlene A quick side trail here. Remember when I said she had lousy self-esteem ? I found the Polaroid picture that was scanned and sent to me. It was the first image I saw of her, and still burned in my memory is that she said, "I hope it doesn't make you sick." A Grief Observed  was written after Lewis' wife died of cancer. They had...

by Cowboy Bob Sorensen  Today is the 67th birthday of my beloved Charlene, which she is celebrating in Heaven. Right now, I am writing this while listening to one of those music compilation CDs that I made her long ago. The concept of self-esteem has exaggerated importance, often used as an excuse for inflated egos and pride. However, the healthy kind is important. As I mentioned before, we met online and got to know each other texting through AOL. It did not take long to learn that her self-esteem had taken a beating her entire life. Baby Charlene ca. 1957, via PhotoFunia and other enhancement processes Charlene almost never received "props" or complements from her parents. Her daughter (who died in 2010) and ex-husband verbally and mentally abused her. Lots of manipulation. Like I have done, she had wished to go to sleep and never wake up. I think her belief that self-elimination is a one-way ticket to Hell kept her alive. If I rightly recollect, she said she didn't de...

by Cowboy Bob Sorensen  Some time ago, I wrote about being professional in the workplace , and that I got to know a worker at a big box store. He will be called Aaron from now on. Aaron sent me a telegram the other day, so I saddled up and rode into his town so we could talk about the item of concern. He had the day off so we met at an eatery for a leisurely lunch. While having coffee, he described the situation. Aaron's place of employment has a prairie schooner-full of folks in supervisory roles. While not all are necessarily his supervisors, they have superior roles and can give orders. Businessman, Pixabay / Goumbik There is a chain of command, as expected. One person is second in authority to the store manager, and was giving instructions at a store meeting. (You've probably seen meetings like this in various stores where employees are gathered for a few minutes in a large opening.) At the very end, "Chop! Chop!" was uttered. Aaron seems to be level-headed and no...

It has been common knowledge for decades that drugs affect the mind, and the 1960s drug use explosion helped establish cannabis as a household word. Stoners would proudly display the sweet leaf emblem of their false god. Even though marijuana use has been legalized in many states for medicinal purposes, results are dubious at best. Smoking a joint can actually worsen medical conditions. It has been known for years that cannabis users get paranoid and lethargic, but things are actually much worse. Original image from Pexels / Kindel Media , modified, plus a modified Wicca symbol from Open Clipart It is interesting that φαρμακεία ( pharmakeia ), the Greek word that is the root of pharmacy , is about witchcraft and sorceries in the New Testament. Drugs were prominent in occult arts, and witches managed to get hallucinogenic materials from certain plants. This is part of the idea that witches flew on brooms, as many hallucinated the experience. I reckon there's a similar attitude of r...