Irrational Emotions and Losing a Part of Her

People who have paid attention to the original Star Trek series have commented on, and even given serious thought to, how Mr. Spock and the other Vulcans go overboard in keeping emotions suppressed. They have them, but keep them tightly locked down. I think that is unhealthy — at least for real people.

Emotions are a part of our lives, and God gave them to us for a reason. Still, it is inconvenient to break down in tears while in the shower, typing, or whatever. Too bad I cannot be logical and schedule those breakdowns.

Charlene's car — well, my car now — by itself

Someone told me that although emotions are not logical, they respond to logic. Well, maybe. But Charlene was my wife and best friend, and I'm going to allow myself to feel the emotions. Normally, I can hold them back in public or when I'm driving. Also, having a routine helps get me through the day: Clothes laid out the night before, the evening wind-down with a television show that we did for so many years still exists, morning routine of getting articles sent to my e-book reader, checking on my social(ist) media, and so on. I'm not medically allowed to work for another few days yet, but that should also help.

In the midst of the emotions is confusion. There are things that must be done, such as getting rid of my high-mileage car and transferring her much better car into my name. People tend to view their vehicles as extensions of themselves, and Charlene and I kind of liked it when we were parked next to each other in the apartment complex's lot. We didn't seek it, nor did we feel bad when it didn't happen, though. I parked both cars together for a few days and felt sad for a while after my car was gone. Yes, it's not rational but that's how I felt.

When I did the DMV and auto insurance things to take possession of her car, I felt like I was losing a part of her. Quite illogical. If anything, I was losing a part of myself by removing my car. But they're just cars. More understandable is the sense of loss when I have to remove things such as donating clothing to charity, giving away her other possessions, deleting picture files that were unnecessary anyway, and all that good stuff.

Something that helps me and may help another person who is grieving is to slow down. While some things have to be done right away or in the near future, don't be hasty. Come back to it later. Think it through. Maybe even wait more. Then cowboy up and deal with things that are only taking up space and getting dusty.

Charlene and Bob, forty minutes before being married on January 24, 2006

Losing a part of her? I lost the best of her and have to wait until we meet in Heaven (which offers solace), but I have memories and scores of things to remind me of her and our experiences together. Never underestimate the power of photographs. (Here's an interesting example. In that picture just above, I see under the lamp a stuffed dog with sunglasses that imitated Elvis Presley. I think it was a Valentines present I got her because she liked Elvis.) Too bad she didn't use cologne, the sense of smell is a powerful memory trigger. So is music.

Here is a video we both liked. It's funny, and the celebrity appearances added to it: