Cowboy Bob Sorensen

by Cowboy Bob Sorensen  December 2 was the first snow accumulation for our area of New York state, with a range of accumulations. Some were a couple of inches, higher elevations got more. We had about five inches. When I went to work at seven in the A of M...nothing. I scoffed, as they were wrong many times before. When I came out at two PM, it was a challenge to get to the car in the parking lot. I flailed and landed on the snow-packed pavement on my right side. 6 AM December 3, less swelling but more color, photo by Cowboy Bob Sorensen It was tricky getting home, but I finally parked, walked to the entrance and climbed the nine stairs to my apartment. When I realized a few minutes later (getting out of wet clothes was a priority) that I had pain and swelling below the kneecap (it felt like burning), I sought help. No way was I going to try to get to urgent care in this weather, so I used a video service where I could talk to medical professionals on the cell phone. The nurse prac...

by Cowboy Bob Sorensen  As I wrote before , it has been two years since my wife suddenly died. My life-ending ideations are done. Someone mentioned I may have another twenty years to live (I turned sixty-six today), I dreaded it. Now I am going to stay on the trail. Something else to repeat is that Charlene would want me not only to continue to exist, but actually live . I still do some things in her honor. There are other aspects of my life that are changing but she is on my mind in new interests. On red trail at Shaupeneak Ridge, Unsplash / Cowboy Bob Sorensen There is an old Moody Blues tune called "My Song." Mike Pinder wrote it and it was, frankly (mind if I call you Frank?) silly. He wanted space aliens to come to Earth, helping us get straightened out. Well, the Creator did  come to Earth, and Jesus showed us the way... All this to say that one part of that song keeps coming back to me: "The change in these past years has made me see our world in many different wa...

by Cowboy Bob Sorensen  Today, Charlene has been gone for two years, but I think about her every day. Several times a day. Previous I mentioned that setting aside a day for memories does not work well because she is so frequently on my mind. But I can ponder my personal changes. Although I am alone with few friends and no family nearby, I hope that my thoughts and insights may be helpful to others. One again I want to emphasize that grief experiences are unique for each person. Indeed, each loss has a different response. Near center of walkway across Kingston-Rhinecliff Bridge, Unsplash / Cowboy Bob Sorensen Due to grief and other circumstances (still recovering from open-heart surgery), for a while I considered the Kingston-Rhinecliff Bridge as a jumping-off point. Those ideations are gone, and I recently walked on the bridge. Great day for pictures! The anniversary of her father's passing is September 19, the day before her own. Also, I had a recent cardiologist visit and i...

 by Cowboy Bob Sorensen  This may sound callous, but I have mixed feelings about not having to answer to Charlene. Do not disunderstand me, she did not police or nag me, but I wanted to please her. That was often in the back of my mind. Now I have used this dubious freedom and let things go, even developing some bad habits. (Those have to change.) I have a reluctance to do some things because she is not here and I want her input. When it comes to finances, I have to plow ahead. Shopping cart with groceries, Unsplash / Karsten Winegeart Some things I say as a widower in a one-bedroom apartment obviously will not apply to many people, but mayhaps there are some things that people can draw from or adapt to their own situations. Further these things may apply to those who are not bereaved. As I said before, Charlene would not want my life to come to a halt because hers did. She would want me to survive and even thrive, doing what's best for me. Rent costs and electric usage are mo...